The Top 40 Fantasies: No. 34

  1. She (1974) Charles Aznavour
  2. If You Love (Really Love Me) (1954) Kay Starr
  3. Bei Mir Bist Du Schon (1938) The Andrews Sisters; accompanied by Vic Schoen and his Orchestra
  4. Music! Music! Music! (1950) Teresa Brewer
  5. Jesamine (1968) The Casuals
  6. Wired For Sound (1981) Cliff Richard
  7. On The Rebound (1961) Floyd Cramer
  8. The First Time (1963) Adam Faith
  9. When You’re Smiling (1928) Seger Ellis
  10. Mrs. Brown You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter (1968) Herman’s Hermits
  11. Look For My Baby (1953) Little Milton
  12. Wake Up My Mind (1965) The Ugly’s
  13. You’d Be Surprised (1920) Eddie Cantor
  14. Is Anybody Goin’ To San Antone (1970) Charley Pride
  15. I’m Gonna Sit Right Down And Write Myself A Letter (1957) Billy Williams
  16. Six Months In A Leaky Boat (1982) Split Enz
  17. Kelly (1962) Del Shannon
  18. You’re Such A Good Lookin’ Woman (1970) Joe Dolan
  19. Cincinnati Dancing Pig (1950) Red Foley
  20. Mr. Pitiful (1965) Otis Redding
  21. Marianne (1957) Terry Gilkyson and The Easy Riders
  22. Music Hall Rag (1935) Benny Goodman and his Orchestra
  23. The Jitterbug Waltz (1942) Fats Waller and his Rhythm Orchestra
  24. We’re Through (1964) The Hollies
  25. Red Hot (1955) Billy “The Kid” Emerson
  26. Love Is Everything (1959) Carl Dobkins Jr.
  27. Fooled Around And Fell In Love (1976) Elvin Bishop
  28. Drop The Pilot (1983) Joan Armatrading
  29. The Rhumba Boogie (1951) Hank Snow and his Rainbow Ranch Boys
  30. Mickey (1982) Toni Basil
  31. Drivin’ Slow (1952) Johnny London
  32. Drinkin’ Wine (1958) Gene Simmons
  33. The Car Wash (1976) Rose Royce
  34. Rich Girl (1977) Daryl Hall and John Oates
  35. All Star (1999) Smash Mouth
  36. I Feel So Worried (1955) Sammy Lewis, with Willie Johnson
  37. Desperate But Not Serious (1982) Adam and The Ants
  38. I Want To Hear It From You (1987) Go West
  39. Love My Baby (1957) Hayden Thompson
  40. Speed Drive (2023) Charli XCX

The Passing Of Bing Crosby: Saturday, 15th October, 1977

I firstly heard of the death of crooner, Bing Crosby, via the news broadcast this morning at half past eight. At the age of seventy-three, he had reportedly collapsed on a golf course in Madrid, whilst playing with three Spanish professionals.

In this same bulletin, it was stated that Mount Everest’s conqueror, Sir Edmund Hillary, had been taken seriously ill at a height of some five thousand metres in the Himalayas. Inclement weather is preventing his retrieval by means of a helicopter. Sir Edmund, a New Zealander, is fifty-seven years of age.

Before Tiki and I set out to walk to Miranda Fair, in drizzle, I weighed myself for the first time in ages. It surprised me when the needle pointed to just eleven stone, two pounds. In Myer, Tiki stood in a queue for twenty minutes to pay six dollars and thirty cents for a dark blue cardigan. A discount of ten per cent had reduced its price from seven dollars.

We walked home by way of Gymea, in conditions that bore high humidity. Having changed our clothes we headed for town. I parked in the parking station on Kent Street, at the rear of the Hoyts Cinema Centre, and paid three dollars and twenty-five cents for each of us to see “Rocky”, which was voted to be the best film of 1976. Its script was written by its principal actor, Sylvester Stallone.

A documentary on Mount Warning and Surfers Paradise was followed by an unimpressive cartoon which featured two blue anteaters. During intermission, we each devoured a packet of crisps.

At a quarter to five we crossed Kent Street in the rain and I drove onwards to Manly. As we were entering a marked lane on the Harbour Bridge, a light blue Holden sedan attempted to push up on the inside of our car and its driver had to brake suddenly. The vehicle could have easily skidded into us in the wet conditions. At least the young couple, with children, recognised who had been at fault.

As we crossed the Spit Bridge, it was mentioned on the “2UW News” that the grey, “Ming Dynasty”, at the odds of nine to one against, had won the one hundredth running of the Caulfield Cup from “Unaware” and “Salamander”. The winner is trained by J.B. (Bart) Cummings and was ridden by the New Zealand jockey, ‘Midge’ Didham.

I parked in the asphalt car park on Wentworth Street, facing the old buildings at its eastern end. Upon our entry to K’s Snapper Inn we were shown to the same table, in the rear section of the restaurant, which we had occupied just a few weeks ago. Tiki ordered a seafood cocktail for entree, followed by curried scallops and, for dessert, pavlova and ice-cream. My meal consisted of scallops kebab, a king prawn salad and the identical dessert to her. We drank two glasses of lemon squash each and concluded with a cup of cappuccino. The total bill for the three-course dinner came to twenty dollars and eighty cents.

At Tiki’s request, I drove to Tania Park on Dobroyd Point to look out through the rain at the lights. Ours was the only car there and when another containing four youths stopped suspiciously before slowly moving by, we agreed that we should drive on, just in case it were to reappear.

This time, I drove to Edgecliffe Esplanade, in Seaforth and we peered out over The Spit. We departed for home at eight o’clock and found that the city’s southern suburbs were bone dry. Fifty minutes later, we were in a position to watch the greater part of the British film, “Doctor In Trouble”, from the year of 1970. It stars Leslie Phillips and Harry Secombe.

An Unintended Visitation

It was via a friend of a friend that we were invited to travel to Brunei on the island of Borneo. Once there, the sister of the invitee took the opportunity to show us around. She even managed, via a letter, to convince the British officers at the airport to begrudgingly allow us to accompany what we, in Australia, know as the ‘flying doctor’.

Seated on what equated to a metallic box, we faced the starboard side of the helicopter, as we were conveyed deep into the dense jungle. The pilot skilfully landed the aircraft on a green, grassy, flat knoll, that was not an inch longer than its skids.

The doctor informed us that it would take about an hour for him to consult with his patients and, therefore, he suggested that we make our way down the hill and into the village. As we set off, we were amazed to learn that his surgery was nothing more than a tiny wooden ‘box’ on spindly wooden legs.

Down in the village, all we encountered were shy children with broad smiles. We soon realised that the visitation of tourists from the outside world must have been a rarity. They bashfully retreated beneath the wooden buildings that had also been constructed upon stilts. They were dressed in their school uniforms. The boys attired in collar and tie and shorts, which seemed somewhat incongruous when all of the children we saw were barefooted.

Upon our return to the helicopter, we waited for the doctor to conclude his final consultation. Once he had, he inquired as to how we had fared down in the village and we conveyed to him that we had only encountered children. He regarded that favourably and added that it would not have been wise to have ‘antagonised’ anyone because it was, indeed, only two or three generations beforehand that this particular tribe practised head-hunting!

It was almost in the very same breathe that he broke the news to us that he would have to leave us there for an hour or so, as he had received information that the helicopter had been instructed to stretcher a patient from another location to hospital and that there would be ‘no room’ for us. We waited patiently, all of the time mulling over what he had divulged to us and hoped that neither he nor the pilot would forget about us.

In order to make the most of our time in the sultanate of Brunei, it was suggested that we board a ferry for the island of Labuan, quite some distance of the coast, to visit what was an immaculate war cemetery. Workers crouched beneath umbrellas as they clipped its lawns by hand.

The ferry was a surprise to me, as it appeared to have been constructed of little more than varnished plywood. This made me so pleased that the sea was calm. One of its male passengers had boarded on the outward voyage, with a large, magnificent multi-coloured parrot perched on a cruciform, hand-held roost. Regretfully, the gentleman chose to take it downstairs to the enclosed deck on what was a hot, sunny day, only to re-emerge perhaps halfway to our destination with its limp, lifeless body in hand to solemnly release it from the ferry’s stern, to its watery grave.

A Dearth Of Vehicles

We had arrived at our usual parking station to find so few vehicles present that it led me to quip to Tiki, “The inspector, who marks the tyres, could find himself without a job! He’ll have so little to do, he’ll have to start marking parts of his own body! How long has this leg been here?!”

Tiki laughed heartily and patted me on the thigh.