When we awoke at half past seven the temperature was already nineteen degrees Celsius and the morning perfectly sunny. Using ‘Tusk Ivory’, I painted the doors to the linen cupboard and those to the cabinet in the bathroom. As I had finished by ten o’clock, I decided to put my feet up and listen to 2KY’s ‘Elvis Special’ until noon. It concluded with his version of “My Way”, followed by a minute’s silence.
“Gretel II” defeated “Sverige” to level the tally at three races all. This means that for the first time, in the history of the America’s Cup, the outcome of a series will rely upon the seventh and final race between these two challengers.
As the temperature was nearing its maximum of twenty-four degrees, Tiki brought in the washing as it had already dried. We left for the Illawarra Country Club on the Princes Highway, Helensburgh, with me driving — no pun intended — the twenty-two miles to reach it.
I opened with a drive that must have measured two hundred and fifty yards. The course was so dry and the fairway’s surface so hard that the ball must have covered half of this distance by simply bobbing along the ground. Regardless, and in keeping with my usual form, I then visited the trees before eventually carding a nine.
Two holes later, Tiki, who acts as my caddy, took it upon herself to move up the fairway before I had teed off. My drive was a poor one and bounded straight towards her. Just as the ball was about to thud into her, my unsuspecting caddy bent over to examine the pen she had espied. At that instant the ball narrowly cleared her head, clipping low gum leaves as it passed. The moment in time was akin to something one might see in a motion picture comedy and I could not help but laugh when she stood upright and exclaimed, “Look at what I’ve just found!”
The eighth hole eventually arrived and once again Tiki decided to advance along the fairway. This time she decided to ignore my advice, which was to stand wholly behind a tree, claiming that she could see the ball coming if she were to stand in the middle of the fairway. As before my low drive headed straight for her, only this time the club had made good contact and the ball was travelling at speed. Not only that, it possessed a slice which made it more difficult for her to ascertain just where it would be positioned by the time it reached her. Although Tiki was a good one hundred metres distant, she literally evaded it by centimetres. Frantically arching her back at the last moment. I feel certain that the ball would have inflicted a grievous injury, had it struck her.
I selected a three wood for my second shot and to my delight the ball came to rest some twenty-five feet from the hole. Alas, this self-satisfaction soon dissipated when I three-putted on the rough surface to record a bogey. Having completed the nine holes in fifty-one strokes, I was placing my clubs in the boot when I heard via the car’s radio that, at Leichhardt Oval, Manly-Warringah was leading Balmain by fourteen points to twelve at half-time. Manly-Warringah had to win or otherwise face a play-off against Cronulla-Sutherland on Tuesday to determine fifth place in the competition.
“Ask The Leyland Brothers” screened from half past five and from Channel Seven’s news, at six, I gleaned that the controversy over legalised nude bathing at Reef Beach is set to flare again. We watched “Seven’s Big League” from half past the hour and were pleased that Manly-Warringah had, indeed, prevailed over Balmain by twenty-four points to seventeen. Tragedy had been averted when Balmain’s Dave Edwards swallowed his tongue within minutes of the game’s commencement.
Tiki was watching the “Bionic Woman”, as I washed the dishes. Suddenly, I experienced severe pains in my chest and stomach and adjourned to rest in the lounge room. “A Severed Head”, a film that was produced in 1970, followed from half past eight. Its cast includes Lee Remick and the English pairing of Claire Bloom and Richard Attenborough.